Random Questions...

So, I do not know why but I just get these random questions in my head. I usually do say anything but I think I am going to. I had a question pop into my head last night.

Would you want to live in a world without comlplications? What does that even look like?

I am not totally sure what this means. the context in which I think it came up is that lately I have started seeing one of my friends in a different light. I do not know why but she has just become of interest to me. To me that is a complication. Even though I know that I will not act on it because I never act on feelings. It is kind of complicated because those feelings are there. That is just an example of a complication in my life.

Truth be told...

So there have been a lot of things running through my mind. One of the biggest things has been friends. Something that I have been thinking of is what is it exsactly that makes a friend?Because I relized that i am not sure if I ever really knew. Is it when you you hang out with eachother? Or is it when talk to each other? Or maybe when you help someone through something? I do not know. Is there even a kind of criteria? Who can you consider your friend? I think that sometime we just like to think people are our friends even when there is no reason for it. I also think that some people are friends because they were once friends. I know we are all supposed to be brothers in Christ and I thoroughly think I try and live it out. But sometimes I think that us as Christians do not try to grow closer to eachother. It is hard for me about this but a lot of the times I remember before I started going to chuch and how much easier it was to open up to people, I do not know why. I have thought about this and I have called a lot of people my friend. not that I do not want to be their friend or that I am not their friend. Also, that I feel like a lot more people are my friends than i am a friend to them. Even though there are so many people who have been there and helped me through things I still feel for some reasons that I cannot trust them with who I really am. For as long as I can remember I have only showed the people a part of me. I do not show everyone the same part. So, I think that years and years of this has finally caught up to me. That all the parts of me that I have given and shown eachother have all been jumbled together, with many parts missing from the people in college that
I was always gunna be friends with. And now I really feel like I do not really know who I am. I know who I was, the funny guy that everyone used to call and hang out with, and who I want to be, someone that is respected by others and loves God thoroughly.

The dark side of my testimony...

So, yesterday I checked my myspace for the first time in like four months, and I was wondering around my friends profiles. I ended up on my friend Kim's profile. Kim used to be more like a sister to me than a friend. She is prolly one of the top two people I was closest to. it was between her and my best friend Steven. Well, Steven had always gone to church, but always thought it was stupid and never put anything forth for it. He stil went every sunday cause of his mother. well long story short, Steven gets into church and then gets me into it. I was very busy between school and work already. Now adding church and youth group and small groups on top of that. No time for much else. So, the extremely unfortunate thing that I realy still struggle with today is that I left a lot of my friends behind. Friends that I said that I would alwyas be there for. Now Kim was prolly the person I miss the most. After we stopped hanging out a lot she started to fall into the wrong crowd. She began drinking and doing drugs, and she starting hanging out with all te kids that had drugged themself stupid. She used to be a cute lil tomboy, and now she is thi whole other person. I'm not saying she is, because she won't talk to me so I don't know. For a long time I felt responsible for her making the wrong choices by not being there, and then I felt like I got shot in the face when a couple people, some people I was trying to build a relationship back with, told me that if I would have been here she would not be like this. More than one person told me this. Now, I really feel like this is totally my fault. Now the question is: What do I do?

Got Water...

So, I was chilling in my friend Sabrina's room and she showed me this video and I gotta admit it is pretty awesome. Let me know what you think.

One of my favorite sermon illustrations....

Back during the days before automobiles, two preachers met in a certain town. The first asked the second how he was doing. “Furious!” replied the second. “Someone has stolen my bicycle and I think it’s one of my church members! I don’t know what to do.” The first preacher said: “Here’s what I’d do. I’d preach on the Ten Commandments this Sunday and when I got to ‘Thou shalt not steal’ I’d really hammer it home.” The second preacher said, “I think I’ll take your advice.” The next Monday, the first preacher ran into the second one and saw that he was riding the bicycle. He said, “I see my advice worked.” The second replied, “Not really. When I got to ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bicycle.”

Believing...

So, I watched part of Polar Express with my mom tonight, and the basic moral of the movie is to believe. For those of you who do not know Polar Express is baout a kid who does not believe in Santa, and how he goes on this fantasy journey where he ends up in the North Pole. Sometimes I think that we as Christians want those kind of experiences. I am talking about the kind of experiences where you basically finally get it. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with those experiences, but I do not think that it all comes down getting everything all at once. I have definitely found out the hard way that it takes a lot of learning and experiences to get anything.

Heart Issues...

So, soemthing that has been on my heart for a long time is that since I have begun my walk with Christ I have left some of my friends behind. In particular one friend of mine. Her name is Kim and I seriously love that girl so much. She was closer to me than almost anyone else. But once I started going to church I had to make some decisions that would help me in my walk. One of which was to leave some of my friend that were bad influences behind. She was not a bad influence, but when Ileft the bad influences behind I started spending a lot of time at church. Eventually I spent almost all my time at church. Which meant Kim was being ignored. Right now Kim is doing drugs, from weed to X, and drinking alot. I have always felt it was my fault not being there for her when some bad things went down. The worse thing is that there was someone else there to catch the pieces, not a good somebody. Tonight I talked to someone else that I left behind and was not a good friend too after she had always been so loyal and good to me, and she told me straight out that if i would have stayed around she would have not ended up this way. Right now my question is "Is it worth it?" to live this life and hurt those who love and need you in thier lives. The answer of course is "YES". There is no other life, but sometimes coming being libing most of my life in the world and of it, it is really hard to live in it and not of it. Right now my mind is swimming with regrets, which sucks cause my phrase in life is never regret but don't forget.

A new saying I learned this weekend is:
"The past is history, the future a mystery, and today is a gift. That is why it is called the present"