Saturday, November 22, 2008

Heart Issues...

So, soemthing that has been on my heart for a long time is that since I have begun my walk with Christ I have left some of my friends behind. In particular one friend of mine. Her name is Kim and I seriously love that girl so much. She was closer to me than almost anyone else. But once I started going to church I had to make some decisions that would help me in my walk. One of which was to leave some of my friend that were bad influences behind. She was not a bad influence, but when Ileft the bad influences behind I started spending a lot of time at church. Eventually I spent almost all my time at church. Which meant Kim was being ignored. Right now Kim is doing drugs, from weed to X, and drinking alot. I have always felt it was my fault not being there for her when some bad things went down. The worse thing is that there was someone else there to catch the pieces, not a good somebody. Tonight I talked to someone else that I left behind and was not a good friend too after she had always been so loyal and good to me, and she told me straight out that if i would have stayed around she would have not ended up this way. Right now my question is "Is it worth it?" to live this life and hurt those who love and need you in thier lives. The answer of course is "YES". There is no other life, but sometimes coming being libing most of my life in the world and of it, it is really hard to live in it and not of it. Right now my mind is swimming with regrets, which sucks cause my phrase in life is never regret but don't forget.

A new saying I learned this weekend is:
"The past is history, the future a mystery, and today is a gift. That is why it is called the present"


Trev said...

you absolutely cannot blame yourself for what other people do. everyone is responsible or their own actions. hang in there, you are living a good life.

Amanda said...

I agree with trev. It is not your fault that they ended up the way they did. Yes things may have been different but it is not your responsibility to babysit people along the way. That may sound harsh but really it is not your job to make sure that everyone is on track. You can try to re-enter their lives and be a positive influence, but it is in no way your fault. For all you know, they could have ended up where they are now even if you hung around. Plus it is not a bad thing that you changed and made new friends. You may not be where you are now if you had not made the decisions you did. Another thing to think about is that there is no sense on dwelling on it because there is nothing you can do to change the past. You can only change what happens from here on out.
thats all.
I think you are doing great.