So there have been a lot of things running through my mind. One of the biggest things has been friends. Something that I have been thinking of is what is it exsactly that makes a friend?Because I relized that i am not sure if I ever really knew. Is it when you you hang out with eachother? Or is it when talk to each other? Or maybe when you help someone through something? I do not know. Is there even a kind of criteria? Who can you consider your friend? I think that sometime we just like to think people are our friends even when there is no reason for it. I also think that some people are friends because they were once friends. I know we are all supposed to be brothers in Christ and I thoroughly think I try and live it out. But sometimes I think that us as Christians do not try to grow closer to eachother. It is hard for me about this but a lot of the times I remember before I started going to chuch and how much easier it was to open up to people, I do not know why. I have thought about this and I have called a lot of people my friend. not that I do not want to be their friend or that I am not their friend. Also, that I feel like a lot more people are my friends than i am a friend to them. Even though there are so many people who have been there and helped me through things I still feel for some reasons that I cannot trust them with who I really am. For as long as I can remember I have only showed the people a part of me. I do not show everyone the same part. So, I think that years and years of this has finally caught up to me. That all the parts of me that I have given and shown eachother have all been jumbled together, with many parts missing from the people in college that
I was always gunna be friends with. And now I really feel like I do not really know who I am. I know who I was, the funny guy that everyone used to call and hang out with, and who I want to be, someone that is respected by others and loves God thoroughly.